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Love (Some afterthoughts before the aftershock) added may 4th, 2006
Sometime in the late 70’s I fell in Love. although I was a kid and should not even know what love is - it happened. Whether it was some swampy cesspool with frogs by a railroad in Midland Park or kindergarten in central school my heart saw something that was a vision of excellence, a walking angel on earth that off course would eventually lead me to my death and complete heartbreak and loss of inspiration. (and this eBay life)
GC says “That’s not love”, well it is and it isn’t. You don’t know you are in love until you desire to die more then live, when the world looks beautiful only when the object of your love is in it and ugly and dark when she/he isn’t, and that’s despite the situation the people around you the fortune/misfortune and good & bad things. Love like faith needs no explanation, sustains any form of hardship and can make people desire pain as much as they desire pleasure, its a damn nuisance.
After a good 20 years I finally became a adequate master of the understanding of love, and only at the cost of my life. So here is the BIG mistake I made - listen up:
God is a jealous God and death comes to those who worship idols be they made of gold or flesh, fantasy or reality, hope or despair, purpose or none.
The Heart:
A primary muscle based organ that runs oxegen though the body so that it can sustain life, it is the toughest muscle in the body, the most resilient, and you only have one.
The heart also is used to relate to Compassion, Bravery, Faith, and general feelings. ALL physic or Physic-like powers come from the heart, it knows all and has a demonstrated %90 probability of being correct, beyond all reason and logic and based on less then even a theory.
The Head:
This is just a big computer, do unto others as they do unto you, get your objective, survive, reproduce, OWN things: simple, precise logical and understandable.
I mastered the heart in 2003, this resulted in my “ass hole” years; a phase of slow death. When I mastered it my life began to slip away, one can die from love, doctors have no clue how to treat it, they watch and try pills, they collect people to encourage, and they throw religion at you and finally they classify you with a terminal sickness. GOD kept me here when all love was lost, I am simply baffled as to why. But the fact remains, whatever life’s purpose is in its completeness it cannot be served till what I call the “ass hole” phase of my life is over.
Two things brought me to this phase, one was the utopia #1 who said she has nothing but assholes in her life, I always follow utopias suggestions and comments like my second or third utopia said fetch that women and my heart cried foul; I fetched her anyway, it simply made sense. It is in my very nature down to the bone to be a heartful person so to become an asshole the heart simply could not be permitted to dominate my life. and so here I am asshole galore, but I still have a beat in the heart!
So now I am left with a dilemma, the heart survived the slaughter of the medical, social, cold, cruel Human world where people play God when they can barely classify themselves as humans. Yet I still feel compassion, But the heart can only complain now like the mind did for 20 years.
So what have I experienced in the life of the mind so far:
eBay Sell your life, all my shits for sale. They say the person with the most toys in the end wins. THE OBVIOUSLY LIED. So i am selling all my toys and hopefully the person with the LEAST toys wins. What do they win is beyond me.
By some odd circumstance utopia #2 or #3 comes into my life looking for the love that only a heart can give and gets raw, ugly truth - Where was she when i had a heart?, I was obviously worthless then.
The Organized religious branch offers an avenue of faith and love in Christ along with the sudden appearance of the cross and hope. But all the mind has to say is what can you offer, a women, money, sex, health. Well obviously none of that, just some Smokey incense, free service at an altar, and old women passing rumors. Where were you when I had a heart?
Satin (or whatever you might want to call Evil) still has my number, and being that he has struck out in the open blatantly on every Sept. 12th and 666 dates I have a very bad feeling when 06/06/2006 rolls around its going to make 06/06/1996 look like a cakewalk, or even 06/06/1986 a walk in the park. The stage is being set for something - utopia#1 pops up after 5 years and I guess the bad guy wants to gauge how much of the heart is still left alive, probably to see if he can leverage it before common sense makes me completely join the other side.
I got to watch my first company (if you can call it that). Go Bankrupt and meet utopia #4 the day of closing.
and where do I stand in life now.
Don’t fuck with me, I am totally fucked and have nothing to lose. I am actually taking obsessions that were run by the heart in a disorganized fashion leading to imbalance and structuring them so that the cross each other paths, like short circuits something will eventually blow. The goal is simple and calculated like 1985, use desire to obtain skills that someone like utopia#2 & 3 will one day appreciate or Maybe I can get out of this shithole of a world a little early (I have no problem with that).
I hit on every women who gives me a chance now, to what end I have no idea. However they are a full time occupation and just maybe I will land a fish that I can keep.
Life sucked when my heart was in love, but hope was alive. NOW life sucks even more cause I am permanently hopeless. Only my heart could love the utopias, one ignores it, the other wants to hear it so that they can train themselves to become cold as the the first one, and the other is fishing for it but doesn’t care what fish she catches.
and what I learned about love in AMERICA
The pagans who crucified Christ, made one genocide a fad and another a cult, turned the worst crimes committed by the most barbaric civilized leader of the 20th century a standard practice, made the plague a 15 second news clip on TV, along with mass murder, biting ears off, driving broncos and elephant men. are alive and well thank you.
Some found faith in green colored paper and electronic silicon, some found 72 virgins, some found a crucifix (idol), some found Israel, others worship chaos and can prove it. If abuse was an art then the beast has made this world a Mona Lisa. Our women are cold, cruel and vicious and I am waiting to be proven wrong. When the shit backfires on them they sometimes let there heart show but as soon as the beast calls there name they are back in line.
Marry a 12 or less year old women before our society fucks her head up with the bullshit freedom, and should a divorce be necessary and you might be the asshole but you get the last laugh as she turns her life into a living hell with the other Babylon whores, along with some passive sucker (like maybe me)
And since marriage #1 in America stands a %90 chance of divorce (less if you play with the numbers), and marriage #2 another %60 divorce or death then get a women from overseas, your odds increase dramatically to %30, and if they are illiterate its over %98, so what if the American culture becomes extinct, we had too little of it to begin with.
The holy whore of Babylon leadership is already making reservation in countries like south America to bail out before they start the first nuclear war, and much of the public is aware of it!, 9/11 demonstrated that!. So get your life in there, and like the megamillion lottery maybe one of your kids will survive it.....
I’m a positive guy, really I am.
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